Needs of a Child Sexual Abuse Survivor

Every survivor of sexual abuse has their own unique and individual needs and they each have their own way of reacting to the abuse. Every survivor can find hope and healing and there is no preset timetable for healing. Each survivor must decide for himself or herself at what pace the healing process will take place. The list of needs below is certainly not a complete list of needs but rather a general list that would apply to almost all survivors of sexual abuse.

Survivors need and deserve to be loved.
Sexual abuse survivors are frequently filled with confusion about what love really is. I was told by my abuser that he loved me and what we had was a "special kind of love." This led me to be confuse sex with love, attention and affection for many years.


The most difficult thing for me to learn is that I can be loved and cared for by people that honestly do have my best interest in mind. Survivors do need unconditional love.

Survivors need acceptance and recognition
Many sexual abuse survivors have a very low self-esteem and often see themselves as not good enough. In the minds of many survivors of sexual abuse, nothing they do or say is worthy of being noticed.


One of my talents is sewing. When my daughter was a small child, I made most of her clothes. As soon as a project was finished, all of my friends and family would comment about how cute it looked and how it was well made. It sure wasn't that way in my mind. I would focus on the smallest invisible flaw and despite the number of comments my daughter would get about her new dress or summer outfit, I couldn't see it as worth noticing.

Still many people around me showed me acceptance and eventually I did learn to accept myself and learn to value myself and my many talents.

Survivors need nurturing and support
Survivors of sexual abuse are accustomed to meeting the needs of others and neglecting their own. As children, they were not protected and instead of being cared for and nurtured, they were used for the sexual gratification of the abuser.

The need for nurturing is a strong one and for many survivors, this need was completely abandoned in their childhood and they were left with feelings of confusion. This need still remains when the survivor becomes an adult and the result is a tremendous emptiness in their lives. Supporters of sexual abuse survivors can help fill this void by nurturing them and helping them get their emotional needs met.

Survivors need help learning to trust again
Sexual abuse teaches the survivor not to trust others. The abuse experience itself taught them that them that their feelings, needs and just about every part of them clear down to their very soul has been exploited. They have lost their sense of safety and this makes them feel vulnerable. As a way of coping, they don't automatically trust anyone. It is often difficult for the survivor to know who they can trust and who they can't. They often adopt the philosophy that nobody is to be trusted until they earn trust.


Supporters can offer the survivor their unconditional support and reassurance can help the survivor learn to trust again.

Survivors need to feel safe
Many survivors feel that they need to take additional steps such as purchasing security devices or weapons, or creating new living arrangements to make their homes and lives safe. While some such measures can increase safety and security, encouraging the survivor to be alert to his or her surroundings is a very important safety measure to take.


Recommended Reading:



•Beginning to Heal (Revised Edition): A First Book for Men and Women Who Were Sexually Abused As Children


•I Never Told Anyone: Writings by Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse


•The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse (Revised Edition)


•Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child


•What About Me? A Guide for Men Helping Female Partners Deal with Childhood Sexual Abuse