Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Miscarriage (Blighten Ovum)

Well it been quite sometime since I have written. I know I posted about the Royal wedding but honestly I think I was just trying to stall.

I'm sure you can figure out from the title that I had a miscarriage. I was about 10 weeks along but sac was only measuring 6 weeks. Never saw baby or heartbeat. I'm not sure why its taken me so long to write about it.

From 8 weeks until my D&C at 10 weeks I was pretty miserable. This was I was very nauseated and very tired. I did nothing but lay on the couch all day and night. I was utterly useless. This was basically the whole last half of March and the first half of April that I was rendered incapacitate. It was horrible. I literally did not want to do anything. I didn't even want to think. LOL Seriously. I never made dinner once, we were always getting take out and I let our monthly budget go way out of hand bc again I didn't care about anything. Its funny to me now how utterly useless I was.

So let me backtrack. At 6 weeks we had a "suspected" blighted ovum, which basically means an empty gestational sac. I wanted to be 100% positive that what it was so we had an ultrasound every week. Technically no doctor can diagnose a blighted ovum until you are at least 8 weeks. I desperately wanted our lil seed to miraculously come up on the sonogram screen with a string heart beat but that was not meant to me.

I am not sure why but I have actually been quite ok with it all. I know some women take a miscarriage very hard and there is nothing wrong with that but I only had 1 day where I was really sad. It was about a week after D&C and we went to go visit my new niece in Amarillo, TX. I was so excited to see her but when I walked into the house I could literally smell the baby and oh boy when I saw her face I nearly lost it. I had to get to the other side of the room before I started crying uncontrollably. Th entire time we were there I couldn't hold the baby much less look at her. The next first half of the day I was a mess. I was very sad and would cry about anything. The dramatic hormonal drop that occurs the first week after a D&C is pretty harsh so logically I knew what was happening but it still did nothing to help with the way I was feeling.

Luckily my husband had the sound mind to let me wallow in my sadness for just the right amount of time before he came swooping into our room to try to get me out of it. We hugged, cried and hugged some more. Prayed ALOT and by that evening I was able to go to the family's Easter Bar Be Que. I still didn't hold the baby but I was completely fine with being there.

I am very good. My mother said I have been dealing with my loss very well. I'm not sure why. I expected to be devastated but I am surprisingly calm and still thankful for everything. I think part of my peace is that I KNOW we will be having children soon. My sister went through the exact same thing and 3 months later she had my niece so I am VERY hopeful! God is good and he promised me that he will give me what ever my heart desire as long as I love for him... so I am confident!

Once we got back to Dallas I had my 2 week post-op appointment. My Doc said my uterus had already shrunk a significant amount. He wanted to check my beta HcG levels every week until they drop below a 5. Once they are below a five he said to count 30 days layer and that's when we can actively start TTC, until then we have to use condoms.

My first blood work about 3 weeks after D&C was at 100. AT 4 weeks they were at 30. I got back this week so hopefully they are already below a 5.

I still haven't gotten my period and honestly I am a little worried about it. I guess a positive thing from all this is the fact that since I was pregnant I haven't had a period for over 3 months. That's a lil over 3 months with NO endometriosis pain!! I think i have actually started to forget the all about the pain until I remind myself I should be getting my period soon. I am believing, through the power of Jesus, that at least one of my prayers were answered. Healing me from endometriois!

I'll keep ya'll informed.